Dj Skunk Diesel

You know I once wrote a blog entitled ‘Mouth Zipped‘. The main point of that one was that if you aren’t sure what to say, you should just say nothing at all. This blog has a very similar theme, except the main point being that you shouldn’t stick your nose in places it doesn’t belong. It is one thing if somebody chooses to confide in you with their problems. It that case it would be your obligation as a friend to keep that information private and not to tell it to others. Especially people who you were explicitly instructed not to tell. I know what you are thinking, “that sounds like a no brainer Skunk”. Well you would be right, it is a no brainer. But evidently some people don’t have much in the way of brains. With that being said I would like to cover my next point.

Jealousy and envy are not the same thing. Let’s analyse this a bit. First let’s take a look at the definitions of each. I am going to use askoxford.com because sometimes you have to go back to the old English or even further to Greek or Latin to find the true meanings of words. So first let’s take a look at Envy.

envy

• noun: discontented or resentful longing aroused by another’s possessions, qualities, or luck.

I will expound upon this a bit. Basically it is the feeling of sadness or ‘discontent’ as a result of wanting what others have. This could be possessions or qualities or even situations. The things is, envy is completely natural. Everyone feels it at some point. Envy can cause ill will, sharp words, and of course depression. But it almost never results in lashing out against the person you are envious of. This is where Jealousy comes into play. Let’s take a look at it’s definition.

jealous

• adjective: 1 envious of someone else’s achievements or advantages. 2 resentful of someone regarded as a sexual rival. 3 fiercely protective of one’s rights or possessions: they kept a jealous eye over their interests.

Notice the multiple definitions. At it’s core it is very similar to envy, but once you get deeper into the meaning you realise that it is more than just envy. It also involves people’s perception of who should possess what. See definition number three, that is the one that gets people into trouble. When they actually believe that something or somebody is ‘theirs’. Or better yet that it ’should’ be theirs, that they truly ‘deserve’ it. When you start to believe that something somebody else has is supposed to be yours and they don’t deserve to have it, is when people start to lash out and try to harm or damage the person who possesses what they believe to be rightfully theirs.

When you find yourself thinking those kind of thoughts, and having those kind of feelings, do yourself a favor and squash that shit before you do something stupid. If you hear one of your friends talking like they have those feelings or intents, do them a favor and tell them to chill before they do something destructive. Because I would be willing to bet that the percentage of times that lashing out in jealousy ends in the jealous person getting what they want is EXTREMELY low. What people should probably do is spend more time working on improving themselves and trying to achieve their goals rather than worrying about what others have and do. THAT would be a much smarter investment in time.

You are probably wondering why I have chosen this as a blog topic. Without sharing too much I will say that I have found a girl that makes me very happy, and I would like to think that I make her happy as well. Love is a very rare thing to find in the grand scheme of things. So is true beauty, real honesty, and people who are truly genuine. These are most definitely things that would make someone envious. They are also evidently things that make people lash out in jealousy. I will leave it at that.

P.S. Lick My Nuts!

So it’s been a while since you guys have heard from me. Basically things have been slightly on hold for a couple reasons. I know how the Internet works though. It’s like a plant, If you don’t feed it (get on there and add content and talk to folks), then it whithers and dies. This is very clearly evident. Look at myspace. Or better yet go back and look through your own timeline. See how 6 months ago you were probably sending @’s to quite a few tweeple who might not even be around any more. Sure there are your core friends who would never unfollow you and who have other ways of saying hi besides twitter. But then there is this other group of friends that grows or shrinks proportionally based on your amount of interaction. Unless of course twitter has put you in the Suggested User List or you somehow got mentioned by some celebrity or have some other avenue of sending followers your way like being on the radio or TV. For the rest of us we must always remember to feed our plants.

The other thing is the radio show. I asked about whether I should keep doing it on twitter the other day and a lot more people said for me to keep doing it than I expected. So I guess I will keep plugging away at that. I really wish I had somebody who was a little computer savy who could help out a bit with that because I ‘feel’ like I am too busy to properly plan the shows out and come with good content. I love Chip, but he is really bad with computers, so he is no help. Anyway, I will leave that discussion for another time. Idea’s for show topics are always welcome. You can check the show info out here. Also don’t forget, you can ask me questions about anything over here on the ‘Ask Skunk’ portion of my blog.

P.S. Lick My Nuts.

What’s wrong with Hollywood? I could go on and on for hours about it, I am going to use Avatar as a prime example. Don’t get me wrong, it was good in some ways, and certainly visually stunning. But the political over tones were sickening. Also the fact that it was aimed at our youth almost guarantees that most of the people who watched it didn’t even comprehend the things that were backwards about the movie. Let me explain.

CAUTION: SPOILER INFORMATION IS INCLUDED IN THIS POST. IF YOU DON”T WANT TO KNOW THE PLOT GO WATCH THE MOVIE FIRST.

Alright, let’s take a step back from the enchanting jungle and CGI animals and look at this from a real life point of view. A couple things jump out at me right away. Number one, making it seem like one day there will be a magical way to escape reality and live in a fantasy world is not a cool thing to sell kids. Number two, making the American soldier into the bad guy is just wrong. Marine’s and other members of our military deserve our utmost respect and should always be portrayed as the ‘good guys’ because that is what they are. Period.

If you don’t think that Hollywood studios have a liberal agenda to push, then you need to wake up and smell the roses. I can name countless movies in the past ten years that were saturated with political statements and liberal over tones, it makes me sick. Now let me prove the fact that it’s political. If the people who made this movie didn’t hate the US military they could have easily made the soldiers Chinese or Russian or even make it like the United Nations or something. But no, they were clearly American whites with a few black guys sprinkled in. I didn’t see any of the soldiers who were of any other ethnic background. Now me personally I hate to EVER bring up race, but when the negativity is aimed at me I have to say something. I am an American and I believe that any time you choose to hyphenate your name (African-American, Latino-American) you are making the mistake of separating yourself from your fellow Americans. I mean if the goal is not to see people by their race then why constantly point out what race you are? But I digress. This is about Hollywood.

Like I said, I cold go on all day, but I am gonna try and give a ‘big picture’ type summary of what all is wrong with this movie and let you draw your own conclusions about how this relates to the rest of Hollywood. Fist of all there is the whole ‘escaping reality’ part. Like if your real life is messed up like the guys legs were messed up, you will someday be able to lay in some fancy machine and escape to a fantasy world that is actually real, not a video game.  Then to top it off, at the end he gets to lay under some voodoo tree and actually transfer his being into this ‘Avatar’ and leave his ‘evil white American’ body behind. Also, the amount of tree hugging going on in this movie was sickening. Yes we should respect nature, no we should not sacrifice great forests for some precious metal, but really, what were they trying to say? Do you not enjoy your running water? Do you not need electricity? Is civilization wrong? I am getting the point and missing the point at the same time.

Let me see if I can sum it up. Nature good, civilization bad. Jungle people good, American Military bad. Science good, Capitalism bad. They even named the mineral they were after ‘unobtainium’. Haha, so that means we should have known from the get go that they weren’t going to get the mother load? By the time the final fight came around I looked around the theater and it was clear that they had successfully brain washed the audience and had them rooting against the US military. Now if we could all just get it through our thick sculls that the American White Military Corporate Complex is the root of all evil life would magically fix itself right? No! The truth of the matter is that it’s the Rock Ribbed White Americans that made this country the greatest country ever. If America is so evil and bad they why are people all over the world trying to get in and very few trying to get out? Anyway, I will let it go at that. Just know this Hollywood, that we aren’t all asleep and you can’t pull the wool over everyones eyes. You can fool all of the people some of the time, and you can fool some of the people all of the time, but you can’t fool ALL of the people ALL of the time. Oh and you can’t fool me ANY of the time!

P.S.  Lick My Nuts!

Yep, they are after you. Wait no, they are after me. But I didn’t do anything wrong! FUCK THE POLICE!

Are you engaged in any illegal activity? Well I used to be, and so did my best friend Chip. This blog post is to announce this weeks topic and give you guys a chance to comment. Last week we didn’t get any comments that we could read on the air and I wanted to make sure I gave the proper opportunity for you guys to tell your stories. So how about it guys? Tell me a crazy story of a run in you had with the cops. Me and Chip are gonna tell ours live on the air. You are also welcome to call in and tell them live.

I will admit that my run-ins with law enforcement have been way more tame and uneventful since I quit doing drugs. But no worries there was enough when I was involved in that scene to make up for it. Anybody who missed when I spilled my guts about my time in prison on Ihuntmidgets‘ show should definitely tune in. It should be fun. So there you have it. See y’all on the flip side!

There is something refreshing about starting over. It makes you look back at where you have been and also look forward to what is in your future. This week has brought many changes for many of us. This year will bring many new things for all of us. I am most definitely looking forward to it. This brings me to a couple things.

First is the fact that my best friend @TheChipStar has just broken up with his girlfriend of over a year. This is not small news for people our age. Normally when you put that much into a relationship it changes many portions of your life. One of those portions is normally always the amount you interact with your friends. I will give Chip credit, he kept it real the whole time and stayed in touch. But the bottom line is that he is back on the ‘market’ and in the best physical shape of his life so… ladies….. *wink*

Next would be some of the changes in my own life. I have decided NOT to use the ‘twosidestoanycoin’ theme until and or unless I find a way to continue the same format. I still love the idea, just not sure it can continue the way it was for various reasons. This show that me and Chip are going to try is going to be different, and we actually are not certain what all we want to do with it. I am hoping that not putting much effort into it and not have such a set format will make it less stressful for me. I tend to take things a little too serious sometimes.

I would also like to say that I have recently lost a few very close friends. When I say lost, I only mean lost from twitter, but when that was how we met and the way we normally talked it feels like really losing them. I am very sad about this, and anyone who knows me probably knows who I am talking about. I would like to say to them that I am sorry if I hurt them in anyway and I miss their friendship.

So there you have it, new beginnings. Let’s all step into this new year with the knowledge that WE are the ones who make things happen. We are the ones who choose our surrounding, and the best way to make things happen is to say out load what you want to happen, and then physically do it.

P.S. Lick my nuts.

First of all I am going to get slightly technical here so if you were looking for a lighthearted funny blog go HERE I have added the #FormspringTheseNuts tweets to the Rant section.

Ok so I have had it with formspring autopost! Yes I know I did an ‘Ask Skunk’ portion of my blog inspired by the fad, but I am not a hypocrite because it is not the idea of anonymous questioning that I am against. It is the way formspring has gone about setting up the autopost option by default and the way the autopost tweets are composed.

Let me explain. The autopost tweets usually do not have the full question OR the full answer, but they DO have the full un-shortened URL to lead you back to formspring. And when a messages comes to me electronically no matter who is it from that contains very little useful content and a link back to something outside of the requested information then I would consider it spam. Yes it is in relation to somebody that I have requested information from via my follow, but as stated before, it is usually useless unless I follow the spam link to a place that may or may not contain the information I have requested.

That being said, I am letting it be known that I consider these autopost to be SPAM. Continue to send me spam and I will either unfollow you or if you are an old and dear friend I will add you to the group of people who’s tweets are filtered out of my stream. At that point I will not see any of your tweets unless they contain my username. If you don’t care then by all means continue with the spam.

I am not trying to tell you how to tweet. Yes I understand that if you are somebody who never got much attention that formspring might be your new favorite thing to do because it gives you the illusion of being popular. Maybe you didn’t know, but formspring will automatically ask you a pre-written question of you do not get questioned after a certain time period. This will lead you to go answer it and that will lead to an autopost to twitter which will cause people to go look and possibly ask another question. You see it is an endless loop of retardedness. Oh and another thing, I have a feeling that most of the time it is the same one or two people asking all the questions. Take that shit to DM! I don’t wanna see it. If I did I would GO LOOK AT YOUR FORMSPRING!

Now I would like to rant about something else that I think people don’t consider. Your picture/username are your unique identifier on twitter. When people are looking through their timeline their brain quickly processes which users they are seeing and whether or not to REALLY read the tweet and see what the person is saying. This is part of the reason I never change my picture much. If I changed it to a yellow bunny rabbit people would more than likely skim right over the first few tweets after the change not knowing it was me and not read those tweets. I do it all the time with other people. When I am pressed for time and glance down at my twitter app on my phone sometimes I have 2 minutes and 200 tweets that I have missed. I can’t possibly read them all. So I skim through looking for the users who I value their tweets the most and read/star the ones I feel deserve it. Here comes the formspring delima. Now there are good friends/users who I used to always stop and read their tweets who I now have to first check to see if it is formspring or not. Whether I like it or not some of them I have already trained my mind to skim past instead of read. There are no two ways about it. Over time it is bound to happen. Keep sending out BS and eventually nobody will read it. Lets hope you have read this and will take it into consideration. I don’t want to lose you as a friend, but if you continue to use your account to send out this spam I will have to act in some way.

It was a warm night in Texas, I had just recently hooked up with this spectacularly fine chic named “Sam”. I met Sam at work and you know me, I love to dip my pen in the company ink. We hit it off pretty good and began hookin up on a regular basis. When I met her she was just breaking up with some dude, and when she did she had to move in with her uncle and his family. At the time I was back living with my folks and working in Clear lake.

So for a few weeks there before she got another apartment and I found a house, we really didn’t have a place to chill. You have all been in this situation, we did not have a place to fuck! What the hell are you going to do? Seems to me that you have to find a place to park right? Only thing was, we were tired of fucking in the car.

So we are cruising around the rich part of Clear Lake looking for a place to fuck, when we find a house for sale and empty right close to the lake where she lives. I pull up in the driveway and we get out to scope the place out. We walk around back and see a big ass pool. Next thing you know I see a hot tub with a cover on it. I say “hey a hot tub, I wonder if its got water in it?” I go over to investigate, and pull open the cover and sure enough its got what looks like nice clean water in it. I find the controls to see if it actually works and I’ll be damned if the bitch didn’t turn right on and start bubbling and heating up. I look at Sam and could literally see the light bulb turning on in her head.

We leave it running and go back to my car. We decide to drive around and park my car at the park just down the way and walk back. Me being the boyscout that I am just happened to have some towels in my car. So we grab the towels and walk back to the house. Carefully looking to make sure nobody was watching us go into the back yard, we sneak in and pull the cover back on the hot tub. Ahhhh, warm and bubbly! Time to get buck naked and make some waves.

One thing I remember about Sam was that she didn’t shave her pussy. I mean she didn’t even trim that thing. It wasn’t curly either, it was long and flowing, like a damn mane. Now on some girls this would be enough to turn me off and I probably would only have sex with them once. But this girl Sam truly had a bangin body. Not to mention she was cool as hell. I mean like give head on the highway cool. I remember one time I was driving on 610 loop and she was trying to give me head, but the traffic was so crunk that I couldn’t concentrate and kept loosing my hard on. Did this faze her? Hell no, she was determined. I ended up pulling over so she could suck me off in the Jack in the Box parking lot. Needless to say, I kept her around.

Anyway, picture me in some body’s hot tub sloshing water all out of it because I’m pounding Sam’s hairy pussy. Now I know what your thinking, somebody will see us and call the cops, or maybe the people that own the house will show up, or maybe an agent comes to show the house to some potential buyers right? Wrong, this one actually turned out quite pimpish. We finished up, turned the tub off, put the cover back on, dried off and snuck back to my car with shit eatin grins on our faces. Sometimes the sun even shines on a donkey’s ass.

OK so I meet this chic on the Internet right…… We hook up and get freaky a few times. She is actually a pretty cool girl, so I decide that I’ll keep her around as a friend. With benefits of course. Now this girl was quite the drug addict. She would pop xanax, chug vodka out of the bottle, and snort just about anything. For this reason she was a combination of fun and psycho at the same time. But she sure knew how to suck a mean dick, I’ll give her that. This particular night I don’t remember exactly what pills we took but I know we were drinking heavily, and I remember she was slurring. For her that meant she was really tossed because when I first met her I was amazed at her ability to consume liquor and not show any signs of being drunk.

So we were both wasted and before long it was time to get “freaky”. Next thing I know I’m pounding away to no avail when I start to feel like this might be one of those nights where I will probably not be able to nut. So after I get her off, I stop and tell her that it’s not gonna happen. Like a good little soldier she offers to give me head. I pretty much knew that this wouldn’t work either, but I thought it would feel good so I said “what the hell”. So she turns on her inner vacuum cleaner and gets to work. I was right, this felt lovely. After about ten minutes I start to faintly feel like maybe I would cum. I tell her “faster” and “use both hands”, and ill be damned if I wasn’t about to nut when she fuckin stops and gives me this strange look. I say “no no don’t stop I’m almost there”, she says “I’m feeling sick”. I tell her just to hurry up and get me off and not to think about it. So she goes back to work. I told you this girl was a soldier! Anyway, she is doing a lovely job and once again I’m about to nut when some of the most insane shit you can imagine happens. Out if the blue, in mid stroke, she barfs all over my crotch. It was some nasty ass shit. Horrid putrid smelling vomit all over me! I jump up in disgust and she runs for the toilet.

Now the whole puking while giving head story is not new. But that is not even the crazy part. So I am trying to towel the nastiness off, when she comes back in the room covering her mouth with her hand. I look at her and say, “why are you covering your mouth”? She says, “OK but you have to promise not to laugh”. I say “all right what is it”? She proceeds to tell me that a few months back she was all really intoxicated out and tripped on something and fell, knocking like four of her top front teeth out. But she couldn’t afford to get them fixed so a friend of hers drove her to Mexico where she paid somebody to put some false teeth in to replace them. That’s bad enough, but the worst part is that she says they must have come out when she was puking in the toilet and didn’t realize it until after she had already flushed the toilet! She went back in the bathroom and I sat there with puke still on me with my hands raised to the sky thinking “why me!” Hows that for some fucked up shit! She barfs on me while giving me head then accidentally flushes her false teeth down the toilet! Needless to say I never got a nut, I was actually pretty grossed out. I guess she must have had to head back to Mexico to get some more teeth put in, I never hung out with her again to find out.

[This blog was originally posted on my old blog about two years ago. The good stories must live on in legend.]

Last night “she” came to see me again.

But it’s always such a brief visit. She drives past and quickly looks away. She walks past in the isle in the store but I can’t seem to get her to make eye contact.

I keep telling myself “if only this wasn’t a dream”. I would walk up to her and introduce myself, I would catch her eye and smile at her. And every once in a while she does turn to look. My heart flutters and I think “here is my chance!” I walk over to her and she is smiling at me.

She is so beautiful. My heart melts. I open my mouth to tell her how lovely she is and introduce myself…….

But before I can get the first word out, I wake up. And I am alone in my bed with the sound of @mydogdiesel’s bark ringing through my head. FINE! I’LL FUCKIN GET UP AND LET YOU OUT!! Shit! As the minutes pass, the memory of “her” and what she looks like fade away and I am alone. So I head to work and try to make a day of it.

One day I will meet the real “her”, I just wish that day would hurry up and get here.