Dj Skunk Diesel

OK so I meet this chic on the Internet right…… We hook up and get freaky a few times. She is actually a pretty cool girl, so I decide that I’ll keep her around as a friend. With benefits of course. Now this girl was quite the drug addict. She would pop xanax, chug vodka out of the bottle, and snort just about anything. For this reason she was a combination of fun and psycho at the same time. But she sure knew how to suck a mean dick, I’ll give her that. This particular night I don’t remember exactly what pills we took but I know we were drinking heavily, and I remember she was slurring. For her that meant she was really tossed because when I first met her I was amazed at her ability to consume liquor and not show any signs of being drunk.

So we were both wasted and before long it was time to get “freaky”. Next thing I know I’m pounding away to no avail when I start to feel like this might be one of those nights where I will probably not be able to nut. So after I get her off, I stop and tell her that it’s not gonna happen. Like a good little soldier she offers to give me head. I pretty much knew that this wouldn’t work either, but I thought it would feel good so I said “what the hell”. So she turns on her inner vacuum cleaner and gets to work. I was right, this felt lovely. After about ten minutes I start to faintly feel like maybe I would cum. I tell her “faster” and “use both hands”, and ill be damned if I wasn’t about to nut when she fuckin stops and gives me this strange look. I say “no no don’t stop I’m almost there”, she says “I’m feeling sick”. I tell her just to hurry up and get me off and not to think about it. So she goes back to work. I told you this girl was a soldier! Anyway, she is doing a lovely job and once again I’m about to nut when some of the most insane shit you can imagine happens. Out if the blue, in mid stroke, she barfs all over my crotch. It was some nasty ass shit. Horrid putrid smelling vomit all over me! I jump up in disgust and she runs for the toilet.

Now the whole puking while giving head story is not new. But that is not even the crazy part. So I am trying to towel the nastiness off, when she comes back in the room covering her mouth with her hand. I look at her and say, “why are you covering your mouth”? She says, “OK but you have to promise not to laugh”. I say “all right what is it”? She proceeds to tell me that a few months back she was all really intoxicated out and tripped on something and fell, knocking like four of her top front teeth out. But she couldn’t afford to get them fixed so a friend of hers drove her to Mexico where she paid somebody to put some false teeth in to replace them. That’s bad enough, but the worst part is that she says they must have come out when she was puking in the toilet and didn’t realize it until after she had already flushed the toilet! She went back in the bathroom and I sat there with puke still on me with my hands raised to the sky thinking “why me!” Hows that for some fucked up shit! She barfs on me while giving me head then accidentally flushes her false teeth down the toilet! Needless to say I never got a nut, I was actually pretty grossed out. I guess she must have had to head back to Mexico to get some more teeth put in, I never hung out with her again to find out.

[This blog was originally posted on my old blog about two years ago. The good stories must live on in legend.]